On the dignity of the guest, at assemblies to be due

Ermolaev Vitaly
1.Before appearing in a crowd, the guest should BE:

a) wash diligently do not spare water, without passing other places. After the flowering water I will sprinkle it, so that the ladies do not turn up their muzzles from the stench of horse and gunpowder.
b) I shave with care, so as not to inflict disgusting damage on the tenderness of the ladies' stubble. Do not meddle at the assembly until the blood from the cuts on the face will not stop pouring.

c) half-hungry and drunk only for courage. Until now, drink not fusel potion and eat food without garlic, onion and other what a disgusting exhalation is.

2. Having come to visit, familiarize yourself with the disposition of the house in advance, on an easy head. Especially note the location of the closets. Set aside information in that part of the mind, which is less susceptible to blame than others. In a hurry, don't confuse our closet with a ladies' one. Some of them, unexpectedly seeing your face or something else, for the sake of coquetry can raise a squeal, or even decorate. Ali INTO obscene in the face will be launched.
3. Eat food in moderation, so that the belly does not fix the heavy obstacles to dancing. Drink the potion as long as the legs hold. Kady will refuse to drink while sitting. Save the main forces at the end, because, having taken on the road, you can not do it - the pig, being like under the table, lie down and you cannot reach the barracks.

4. If you do not know the measure of drinking, then entrust control to your wife (or whatever you have) - this guard, perhaps more than the state vigil, has a vigil.
5. If you hear your wife's zeal to the left - pretend to be drunk, and snort, look. If you will see that she is happy with your promotion with polite, then be patient and do not twitch. Do not beat your wife fiercely - it will be useful for INTO.

6. Having drunk and sensing trouble in the Belly, quickly march to the closet. Don’t dump your master’s grub on people's clothes and curtains! On the way, use all your strength to restrain the belly that has villainously betrayed you.
7. Fold the drunk carefully, so as not to be damaged and would not interfere with others to revel in. Fold separately, observing the floor, otherwise you will not cut yourself off when awakening the embarrassment. Do not bring to the lying person, so that he does not choke, even if he asked. Glory to those who choked on the potion! This death has been honorable since ancient times in Russia!

8. Being without a wife (God forbid!), Imagine yourself to be single. Look at the ladies' delights not with open greed, but surreptitiously - they notice this too (do not fail). In this manner you will respect them, and you will not be reputed to be impudent, and bless your body and theirs. Paw, being very careful, and only receiving a clear sign that this is allowed. First, look around: is there a mulberry husband or her owner, otherwise you will wear the seal of your embarrassment on your face for a week.
9. Without singing, there is no fun in Russia. It begins only at the master's sign. When you enter a rage, listen to your neighbor - yelling alone, you are like the donkey of Valaam. On the contrary, with musicality and sweet voices you will win many honors from guests and ladies' Grace. Remember: a lady's heart is malleable to music and singing, and during these times it softens. Don't miss the moment to storm!

10. Having conceived to indulge in tobacco, go out into the yard, and do not spoil the disgusting stench in the hall. After that, in order to destroy the disgusting spirit, chew the bread and do not stick your muzzle to the ladies' hem. Remember - you will not be yawning with Pokedov's overseas rubbish: you’ll waste the evening in vain and you’ll toil the night alone.
11. Getting out of the comor after having fun with the lady, check if you are dressed correctly and buttoned up, if there are stains that defame your wife, then smear them on top of them with oil or salad.

12. When leaving, check your pockets: maybe the master's INTO has fallen by accident, because some especially zealous lackeys can kick in the front door at the master's instigation !!!

Written from the words of the Tsar's adviser Aleksashka Menshikov for execution by the sovereign and civilized men.